Damned If I do Ya, Damned If I Don't.

Friends with benefits.

Do you think they really work? Can you just hook up with someone constantly and expect yourself not to have any feelings at all? In my opinion, nope, you can't.

As much as people like to deny it, being intimate with someone does have a certain amount of feeling involved. Think about it, would you agree to being friends with benefits with just about anyone? You have to at least have a certain physical attraction to the person. I agree, there are some people who actually have had a successful F.W.B relationship. Hats off to you peeps! I think. The way I look at it is that, you're attracted to someone, but you feel that he/she isn't the bf/gf type or you just don't want to be in relationship and need your itch scratched. So you muster up the courage to ask someone if they are willing to be in a purely physical relationship. If you're lucky, then congratulations, you're gonna be UP ALL NIGHT. If not, its time to enjoy that one relationship that never fails. With your right hand. If you know what I mean. ;)

However, don't you do the same thing when you ask someone out for a date? A YES means that you get a girlfriend/boyfriend to satisfy all your needs and a NO means, well a date with your laptop? So what makes F.W.B so different? You start off by saying "we're just going to be making out/having coitus (Big Bang Theory reference, what up?!), nothing else." But without realizing it, you start spending time with that person and sooner or later,

BOOM!

You're hit by the relationship ninja.

I know, you're going to point out all those people who call themselves

"PLAYAS"

. Here's what I believe, as much as you call yourself a PLAYA or BADBOY or whatever, once you meet the right person, you would want to stay with them. This probably isn't the best example, but look at Barney Stinson, from How I Met Your Mother. Despite his womanizing ways, he still ended with like 3 long relationships. Yea, he's a character on show, but someone wrote his character, which mean that person believes that people would sacrifice for love.

So what do you do when you're in a F.W.B relationship and catch the "LOVEBUG"? Do you tell it out or just say you're done with the relationship? Or do you keep on messing about and keep your feelings on the DOWN LOW? I'd say go for the first option. I mean there's not much to lose. Lets face it, as much as you wouldn't like to admit it, trying to hide your feeling almost never works. Okay, it would work, if you're not banging the person but other that, it could NEVER work. If you admit it, you would never know if your feelings could be reciprocated. I mean, cmon, more banging! If you get turned down, then hey, it's all good. Plenty of other fish in the sea. Just tell the person, no hard feelings and walk away with your head held high, knowing you were strong enough to open up.

I guess my whole point of this rant is that in my own opinion, friends with benefits don't work. You can't hide your feelings if your intimate with someone. Banging is a meaningful thing. So the next time you think you want to a F.W.B relationship, ask yourself, "Why did I pick her?" "Why do I want to bang her oh so very often?" if your answer is "cause she's hot" then go right ahead, but after the 5th time ask yourself again.

"The most important parties to attend to are the ones you're not invited to" - Blair Waldrof

xoxo

Right Now.

Okay, so I just realized that this will be my first post from 2013. A LOT HAS HAPPENED. Seriously a lot. For starters, I left Taylor's. I left in April. However, I'm starting to realize how stupid I was for not taking the final exam. I mean, I already had a 3.84 gpa. I could've maintained it and had a back up plan in case I realize that I don't see myself as a doctor. Anyways, I left Taylor's, but not without a bang.

I realized that I did blog about my immature crush on one of my classmates in FICM. So, to catch you up, one day, I couldn't take it anymore (looking back, I feel like such an idiot, cause it was just a crush. It didn't mean anything) I overreacted and went up to my room, went on Skype and saw the most annoying, full of crap person online and decided to video call him and rant to him about my my idiotic crush.

He surprised me by telling me about his friend. His friend who was single. Now,I really dislike being set up. It crazy knowing that your friend know who you prefer to date rather than you. I was against the whole idea, but my "friend" (he really isn't my friend) pointed out that there is no harm in sending him a message. That's true, either way, I could end up with a new friend. I checked the guy out and he was quiet cute. He had that bad boy vibe. Now that's new. I've never been with anyone like that. I dropped him a message and the rest is history, I guess. (I'll update this in a whole other post, cause trust me, it's long)

So after I left Taylor's, my family and I had a quick trip to London and I fell in love with the city. I'm all for a historical stuff and London is the perfect blend of old and new. Let's not forget, the amount of eye candy is just too much, with the accents and all. My brother pretty much was moody the entire trip. But I guess all of us are used to it. Drama did strike in London. My parents caught me with my um eye candy? (Wait for the other post and I'll tell you who ;) What really pissed me off then, was that they JUDGED someone. How can you just assume someone is the way YOU think they are based on a STEREOTYPE. It literally broke my heart knowing that my parents did this.

But now I realized that they probably was just shocked that their lil girl is all grown up. It's not that I'm angry at them or anything, cause they had every right to be angry at ME but not HIM. Fast forward my trip and I was back in Malaysia, all set to go back to Taylor's for FIS. (Yes, I was going to be a doc!) But then I realized that I didn't really like Taylor's (But I miss a hell lot now, and am actually thinking of going back) so I spoke to my dad and he told me to do another Pre U course. A Levels was out of the list cause I didn't want to spend 2 years for a pre u. I was set to join CPU cause it was the fastest. But suddenly, I saw the REAL life of a doctor. No sleep, all work. You literally have no weekends. To be honest, you have no life. I started to wonder, do I really suit this? I decided to go for psychology, but since it wasn't really big in Malaysia, I decided to go to UK. Soon enough, my plans got disrupted. UK usually accepts students with A Levels and since CPU is kinda new, they wouldn't really pay close attention to it. So I decided to go to the UK for my foundation.

I ended up in London. I still am in London doing my foundation. It's hard cause it's basically A Levels stuff. My first week there was hell. I missed home so much.

I am however, starting to doubt whether I can handle being a doctor. Which is why I said I feel like idiot for not finishing at Taylor's. I'm literally stuck. I have no clue what to do. I can't stand being a science student, but I can't help to think that it'll get better when I start med school, but with the current situation of too many doctors in Malaysia, I might not be able to even get a job when I graduate. Do I really want to spend years studying and end up jobless? Can I handle the pressure of having sleepless nights and working 60 hours a week? My other option is to go back to media. Can I stand the assignments? Where do I go for my degree?

Oh yea, lets not forget the moment when I almost fell back to my old self. It was dark moment. I almost gave up on everything. I;ll give you a lil hint of what happened. Let's just say friends with benefits never work. However, I managed to find my faith. My faith in God. I'll admit, I'm not doing a great job right now, but I love my God and I'm trying to be a better Christian. I would not be where I am without Him. I am truly blessed.

Hopefully, by starting to write on this blog again, I'll be able to find all the answers I need. I promise to update again tomorrow. For now, I'll end with a quote.

"I keep on trying to make it go away, but how do you kill a feeling?" - Dan Humprey, Gossip Girl

xoxo