Right Now.

Okay, so I just realized that this will be my first post from 2013. A LOT HAS HAPPENED. Seriously a lot. For starters, I left Taylor's. I left in April. However, I'm starting to realize how stupid I was for not taking the final exam. I mean, I already had a 3.84 gpa. I could've maintained it and had a back up plan in case I realize that I don't see myself as a doctor. Anyways, I left Taylor's, but not without a bang.

I realized that I did blog about my immature crush on one of my classmates in FICM. So, to catch you up, one day, I couldn't take it anymore (looking back, I feel like such an idiot, cause it was just a crush. It didn't mean anything) I overreacted and went up to my room, went on Skype and saw the most annoying, full of crap person online and decided to video call him and rant to him about my my idiotic crush.

He surprised me by telling me about his friend. His friend who was single. Now,I really dislike being set up. It crazy knowing that your friend know who you prefer to date rather than you. I was against the whole idea, but my "friend" (he really isn't my friend) pointed out that there is no harm in sending him a message. That's true, either way, I could end up with a new friend. I checked the guy out and he was quiet cute. He had that bad boy vibe. Now that's new. I've never been with anyone like that. I dropped him a message and the rest is history, I guess. (I'll update this in a whole other post, cause trust me, it's long)

So after I left Taylor's, my family and I had a quick trip to London and I fell in love with the city. I'm all for a historical stuff and London is the perfect blend of old and new. Let's not forget, the amount of eye candy is just too much, with the accents and all. My brother pretty much was moody the entire trip. But I guess all of us are used to it. Drama did strike in London. My parents caught me with my um eye candy? (Wait for the other post and I'll tell you who ;) What really pissed me off then, was that they JUDGED someone. How can you just assume someone is the way YOU think they are based on a STEREOTYPE. It literally broke my heart knowing that my parents did this.

But now I realized that they probably was just shocked that their lil girl is all grown up. It's not that I'm angry at them or anything, cause they had every right to be angry at ME but not HIM. Fast forward my trip and I was back in Malaysia, all set to go back to Taylor's for FIS. (Yes, I was going to be a doc!) But then I realized that I didn't really like Taylor's (But I miss a hell lot now, and am actually thinking of going back) so I spoke to my dad and he told me to do another Pre U course. A Levels was out of the list cause I didn't want to spend 2 years for a pre u. I was set to join CPU cause it was the fastest. But suddenly, I saw the REAL life of a doctor. No sleep, all work. You literally have no weekends. To be honest, you have no life. I started to wonder, do I really suit this? I decided to go for psychology, but since it wasn't really big in Malaysia, I decided to go to UK. Soon enough, my plans got disrupted. UK usually accepts students with A Levels and since CPU is kinda new, they wouldn't really pay close attention to it. So I decided to go to the UK for my foundation.

I ended up in London. I still am in London doing my foundation. It's hard cause it's basically A Levels stuff. My first week there was hell. I missed home so much.

I am however, starting to doubt whether I can handle being a doctor. Which is why I said I feel like idiot for not finishing at Taylor's. I'm literally stuck. I have no clue what to do. I can't stand being a science student, but I can't help to think that it'll get better when I start med school, but with the current situation of too many doctors in Malaysia, I might not be able to even get a job when I graduate. Do I really want to spend years studying and end up jobless? Can I handle the pressure of having sleepless nights and working 60 hours a week? My other option is to go back to media. Can I stand the assignments? Where do I go for my degree?

Oh yea, lets not forget the moment when I almost fell back to my old self. It was dark moment. I almost gave up on everything. I;ll give you a lil hint of what happened. Let's just say friends with benefits never work. However, I managed to find my faith. My faith in God. I'll admit, I'm not doing a great job right now, but I love my God and I'm trying to be a better Christian. I would not be where I am without Him. I am truly blessed.

Hopefully, by starting to write on this blog again, I'll be able to find all the answers I need. I promise to update again tomorrow. For now, I'll end with a quote.

"I keep on trying to make it go away, but how do you kill a feeling?" - Dan Humprey, Gossip Girl

xoxo

Leaving

Graduation. One simple word. With so much meaning. Not literally though. To me, it means growing up. Change. My graduation wasn't like others, I didn't cry, I said my goodbyes, took one last look and walked away with a smile. I was happy to be free from school. From people who didn't get me. I was happy to be starting a new life. Then came results. I might have shed a tear or two but that was all. Finally, June arrived. I realized that I had a month to figure out, A month to figure out what I really want for the next chapters of my life. Medicine or Journalism? Just the thought of it scared me. It broke me. It's scary leaving behind everything you've known for the pass 18 years. At times, I just wish I could stay home. My mum is making me all teary by saying stuff like "oh, it's gonna be so quite without you". My dad started working overseas since I was 6. So, it's been just her and me together. She was the only person I have around. Yes, she's only gonna be a 3 hour drive away but it will feel different. It's also making me regret all the times I've been mean to her. I know they say that college is the place where you really discover yourself. But if I can't even leave everything behind, how do you expect me to find myself? Sometimes, I feel like picking journalism, I get to travel the world, doing something I really love. However, being a doctor is all I ever wanted since I was little. Besides, if I change my decision now, I'll have to answer to all the vultures waiting to prey on me. All they will be saying is that I can't handle the pressure and the crap and that their kids will certainly be the best doctors anyone has ever seen when in reality, their kids will most probably end up fainting at the sight of someone bleeding. I know I can handle the pressure of being a doctor. It's just that is hard working here. I would go overseas once I get my degree but if I do decide to come back, I have to restart the whole thing again unless I specialize I think. I know, for sure, someday the right decision will fall into my hands. Till then, I just have to stall. Till next time, xoxo