Being confused is something i hate. So my life was alrite. but now this person tht i kicked out of my life (my ex, N) wants me back. I don't know whether i should belief him since i lost my trust in him after he lied. But he said, he only dated the gurl to make me jealous cause he thought he had lost me. That proves he doesnt know me cz i aint a jealous person, i so dun fall for tht trick. Anyways, idk what to do. my love for J is never ending. I always love him, but i dont think he's coming bck. Maybe he really did fall in love with her. Its a fact tht i cnt accept.. its too hurtfull. But if his happy then i have to live on with this hurt. I still want him to realize tht we are meant to be. But tht will take time.
So what do i do? Do i wait for the grand prize which i'm not even sure i can get but if i do it will the best thing that has evr happend or do i go for second place, forgive n forget?
"Trust is like a mirror, you can still fix it if its broken but you can still see the cracks on the mother fucker's reflection" <3 tht line lol
Sunday, May 23, 2010
New Song! (The New Me)
I’m not the gurl u used to know,
Not tht gurl, frm ur faded memory
Im bigger, I can defend myself now
This is the new me, my new story.
Now let me tell u
What im gonna do tonite
C/h
Tonite imma take a chance,
Go out and break the rules,
And break some hearts for once,
Not feeling sorry after, cause thre aint no forever after.
(Yea) this is the new me.
N imma let it be, let the world see.
This is how its gonna be.
Your lies are not gonna break me down tonight
I’m not going back to you, my past will stay whre it suppose to be
I will fight with my might, and soon you will see
That losing me was the worst thing tht happened to u,
Yeah, this its how its gonna be,
So now let me be, who I wanna be
C/H
Tonite imma take a chance,
Go out and break the rules,
And break some hearts for once,
Not feeling sorry after, cause thre aint no forever after.
(Yea) this is the new me.
N imma let it be, let the world see.
This is how its gonna be.
Sorry boy u missed out,
I’ve moved on, and thres no turning back
I Got my head held high,
No no Im not coming bck,
Go find another heart to break,
c/h
this is the new me, this is my story
and you aint a part of it…
Not tht gurl, frm ur faded memory
Im bigger, I can defend myself now
This is the new me, my new story.
Now let me tell u
What im gonna do tonite
C/h
Tonite imma take a chance,
Go out and break the rules,
And break some hearts for once,
Not feeling sorry after, cause thre aint no forever after.
(Yea) this is the new me.
N imma let it be, let the world see.
This is how its gonna be.
Your lies are not gonna break me down tonight
I’m not going back to you, my past will stay whre it suppose to be
I will fight with my might, and soon you will see
That losing me was the worst thing tht happened to u,
Yeah, this its how its gonna be,
So now let me be, who I wanna be
C/H
Tonite imma take a chance,
Go out and break the rules,
And break some hearts for once,
Not feeling sorry after, cause thre aint no forever after.
(Yea) this is the new me.
N imma let it be, let the world see.
This is how its gonna be.
Sorry boy u missed out,
I’ve moved on, and thres no turning back
I Got my head held high,
No no Im not coming bck,
Go find another heart to break,
c/h
this is the new me, this is my story
and you aint a part of it…
Sunday, May 9, 2010
"Dear John" thanks for making me realize. (spoilers for dear john)
Beautiful story..
Hellow everyone. so i had free time on my hands so wht did i do? i bought the book "Dear John" n i fell in love with it. I cnt say i didnt cry. I cried alot while reading it..
Its basically bout this guy, John who had a rough childhood. His dad nvr really gave him enough attention so he became a rebel. He joins the army n thinking tht he has no one to care bout expect for his dad. He doesnt care at all bout wht people think. Every year during summer he gets a 2 weeks break. He was going on until tht one day tht changed his entire life. After surfing, he was chilling. He saw some college students talking. Suddenly, this gurl's bag falls into the water. Without even thinking, he dives into the water n grabs the water. The gurl, Savannah thanks him n invites him for dinner. He follows. soon they discover they are in love with each other. "it only took two weeks for me to fall in love with you" she said. They seem perfect for each other. But John has to return to Germany (hes based there) so they write letters to each other. And everytime thres a full moon, they both stare it. since the day the confessed their love, there was a full moon outside. tht part brought tears to my eyes since their love seemed so strong. They got thru 2 years. until 9/11 came. John decided tht he wanted to continue in the army since he felt thts the right thing to do. Savannah respected his decision, but behind him she fell in love with her best friend, Tim. John didnt know bout this until he received a letter from her. just with tht piece of paper 2 lives were changed. I couldnt help but to cry so much when i read it. n whenever i think about it i still do. John let her go. He comes bck to his hometown when his dad passed away. Now he doesnt have anyone for him. After the funeral, he has no whre to go. so he goes to Savannah house n he discovered tht she's MARRIED. (another part whre i cried) she married Tim (n he has cancer, nice pick) Tim tells John tht Savannah still loves him. and tht if anything happens to him, John should always love her. Eventhough John has Tim's blessing n Savannah doesnt want him to go, he still does. he doesnt want to ruin their marriage. He loved her so much tht he gave her up. n again i cried. but evry night, when thres a full moon, both of them still stare at the moon thinking of all the memories...
so thts the story. y did i cry? it cause i knew exactly how John felt. I just dun get how people when their so in love can lose interest in tht someone. It just doesnt make sense. n giving up on ur soulmate, it worst then death. (maybe a little exaggerating srry) i did tht. i know how it feels. But most of all after reading tht book, i realized my love for N was fake, i nvr loved him. It was J tht i love, n believed tht i belong with him. N was just to recover myself. But after tht was gone. Im left to battle myself. Seing him, holding someone else, kissing her, saying he loves her.. when all tht suppose to be with me. That should be ME. i let him go, knowing tht he would smile n tht would be enough for me to live. Our friendship should be enough. Its not. i break down alot more then i used to. He told me he still loves me. n i'll hold on to tht.
If i could i have one wish, i would wish for one kiss with him. It would be enough to prove to myself, tht he should be with me. it not impossible. for tht to happen. i will do whtever it takes to make tht come true. to bring us together. i know forever is with him.. cause i've nvr mey anyone lyk him, anymore who's personality was just me. he knw all my secrets. n i love him. forever. n im not backing down from tht <3
i love you, J 16 feb 10. i'll cherish tht day forever
B.o.B Ft Hayley Williams ~ airplanes
Paramore ~ the only expection.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Challenges.
Challenges. We all face them. Either at school, work or even at home. You can either overcome these challenges or fall face down in front of them. Us, teenagers face them everyday. Some are strong enough to get through them, some crash and burn thus leading to do doing things that wouldnt even freakin help you (WAKE UP PPL!!) lolx
I face them all the time. I wake up in the morning not feeling like P.Diddy but feeling like Amy Winehouse. (summazised, feeling crap. just love Ke$ha so wanted to give my homegurl a shout out!! ). Get ready for school, if its a schooling day. or else imma be sleeping to noon. hehe. Of course the music player on my phone is at full blast =) cant go a day without music. i just play whatever song im in the mood for. mostly Paramore tho. Once im ready, i get in the car, n get ready for my mum's nagging for 20 minutes. (why the fuck must my school be so far??) She goes on and on about how im not getting straight a's. n this is what i cant take. Parents need to be realistic a little n realize that if your child just started learning the subject there no freakin way that that child is gonna get A+ in the exams!!! And if the child has gotten lets say a B, instead of nagging, u should encourage her. Not nagging n making us feel even more useless. And most of all, DON'T JUDGE. i hate ppl who judge. i mean who are you to say that i'm gonna be a bad person when im away from you? I am me. Stephanie. i don't even know what the future hold for me, so how can you be so sure that you do. Only God does. i just live my life n let things happen (yea, i dun give a damn anymore after what happen) so please save it. Like imma listen. Save the planet by not talking/wasting your breathe, your doing a great thing for mother nature by not producing carbon dioxide. Alrite, so once im at school, i dun really study.. hehe all i do is do the work the teacher gives or sometime i dont =p normally i read.. hey it improves my vocab ok!! during recess, sometimes i eat if i really cnt stand the hungry. Most of the time i dont.. Theres one teacher who always gives me crap. Seriously i think its time u retire!! she's such a perfectionist. hate those ppl. n also judgemental. She made false statements about me, spreaded them to other ppl. So know people think of me according to her. And i hate tht. Lots of students hate her so im not alone. =) She always picks on me. Oh how i wish you were a student, i would been much happier now ;) (im evil, so think of wht imma do lol). I come backk frm skool, watch my fav tv show ever. F.R.I.E.N.D.S.!!! i love tht show.. Joey is awesome!! i need to buy the complete seasons!!! watching tht makes me feel better. Next, i take a nap. (hehe, tired la!!) wake up, kinda study a lil. then sneakily go online (my dad has rules of me using the comp. i can only use it on Sat for 2 hrs) i;m sorry but i cnt live under those circumtanses. most of my frnds r online, talking to them makes me feel better.
href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_7FGV64UrN7w/TB2pOP
And theres one person who i can always turn to when im down, i need him everyday n that is SHANE DAWSON!! i love him n his vids. their epic!! they put a smile on my face. n knowing tht i have something to brightened my day, its a nice feeling. then watch tv a lil, then its off to bed. well fake bed. hehe see my mum thinks im asleep but the truth is im wide awake, reading my books. (story books ah!!) then im off to my lala land =) so thats basically my day.
Its kinda lame but theres nothing to do in this town. After 4 years, its hitting me. There's no Subway, no T.G.I Fridays, No Victoria Station, going shopping? theres no use, cz the choices are super limited!! not good for a shoppaholic like me!! KL is the place for me. My bestest friend, my sister.. Vanessa!! is there. my frnds are there. n well theres alot more to do. School's there are to times better than here. not to say i dont like my friends here, but it would be nice to be friends with ppl who not only care bout studies all the time. n there only two ppl who are awesome here, tht is Harveena n Sirisa. their younger than me. lolx by a year so yea. My best friend in the skool well shes kinda like a geek. sometimes she a bitch. sorry to say it. so yea my life's boring cz of this stupid place.
about my last post, it got a lot of ppl worrying. I'm so sorry guys. I realized tht wht you guys were saying was right. n im happy. I got great frnds (in KL n all ovr the world.) n i love them very much. feel blessed to have them. i have Shane Dawson. haha. i have music. wait, i got side tracked frm wht i was saying. lol sorry. oh yea, great cousins, i know i can always count on you guys. Shout out to Jakeyy. tho we're not really talking as much as we used to, im really lucky i found you, your an amazing friend. and a other krazy person just like me!! hope things can get backk to to usual. cz it was amazing then. bestest friends forever!! lol evn tho u lyk it or not!! =p im kinda sad cz me n my nephew arent talking anymore.. i miss u la krazy guy!! imma hunt you down soon. thts rite your aunty is coming. be prepared. lol. dun worry not for revenge. =) just miss talkin to you.
My whole point of this post is to say tht, Life is full of challenges. It isnt called life if theres no challenges. These challenges come for a purpose. To see how strong we are. Not to bring us down. As we pass through one, it makes us stronger for the next. I've realized this. i've always been a person who never gives up. never lets anything get to me. i let just one small get to me, n i end up becoming a whole different person. But now im backk. And im staying this way. Love is a battlefield. filled with challenges. sometimes you dun surrender because you know once you win, the prize is amazing. But other times, you show a white flag of truce cause its not worth it. People who break your heart are just another stop on this highway we call LIFE. You can face anything, as long as u have people to help, stick by you no matter what. and believe in yourself. Soon another page of my life will be written. College. i cant wait. though i know there are plenty of challenges coming my way, i will face them. I will not be crushed. For i have an awesome army with me. leaded by God =) lol i knw suddenly im holy. not really. hehe.
this is going on for too long... so this is Stephyy saying bye!! love you all very much. Thank you again for helping me. for putting smiles on my face. <3<3 love n respect y'all!!
songs of thee week/month? lol
~ Owl City's album (Ocean Eyes) <------ awesomesaures!!
~Pitbull ft Akon ~ Shut it down (lyrics are awesome!!)
~ Paramore ~ Ignorance, The Only Expection (any Paramore songs actually =p)
~ B.o.B ft hayley william ~ Airplanes.
~Evermore ~ light surrounding you
~ Relient K ~ Who I Am Hates Who I've Been
~ Kings Of Leon ~ Use Somebody
~ David Archuleta'a album!!
~ Justin Bieber's albums!!
~ Ke$ha ~ Blah Blah Blah, Your love is my drug
~All American Rejects album (When the world comes down), ~ (Songs : Move Along, It Ends Tonight
~Tokio Hotel ~ Scream, World Behind My Wall
~The Fray ~ Never say never, you found me
~ Miley Cyrus ~ When i look at you
~rascal flats ~ God bless the broken road, What hurts the most (country but meaningful lyrics)
~Adam Lambert ~ Whataya want from me
~ Taio Cruz ~ Break Your heart
~Boys like girls ~ the great escape
~Black Eyed Peas ~ Imma Be, Rock That Body
~Usher ft Will.I.am~ OMG
~Gavin Rosdale ~ adrenaline
~red jumpsuit apparatus ~ Face do
~trey songz ~ say aah
~ Lostprophets ~ Rooftops. <----- the best song ever.
~Slipknot ~ Snuff.
haha damn lot of songs.. but enjoy. till next time.. love xoxoxo
<3 with all my heart!!
amazing song..
I face them all the time. I wake up in the morning not feeling like P.Diddy but feeling like Amy Winehouse. (summazised, feeling crap. just love Ke$ha so wanted to give my homegurl a shout out!! ). Get ready for school, if its a schooling day. or else imma be sleeping to noon. hehe. Of course the music player on my phone is at full blast =) cant go a day without music. i just play whatever song im in the mood for. mostly Paramore tho. Once im ready, i get in the car, n get ready for my mum's nagging for 20 minutes. (why the fuck must my school be so far??) She goes on and on about how im not getting straight a's. n this is what i cant take. Parents need to be realistic a little n realize that if your child just started learning the subject there no freakin way that that child is gonna get A+ in the exams!!! And if the child has gotten lets say a B, instead of nagging, u should encourage her. Not nagging n making us feel even more useless. And most of all, DON'T JUDGE. i hate ppl who judge. i mean who are you to say that i'm gonna be a bad person when im away from you? I am me. Stephanie. i don't even know what the future hold for me, so how can you be so sure that you do. Only God does. i just live my life n let things happen (yea, i dun give a damn anymore after what happen) so please save it. Like imma listen. Save the planet by not talking/wasting your breathe, your doing a great thing for mother nature by not producing carbon dioxide. Alrite, so once im at school, i dun really study.. hehe all i do is do the work the teacher gives or sometime i dont =p normally i read.. hey it improves my vocab ok!! during recess, sometimes i eat if i really cnt stand the hungry. Most of the time i dont.. Theres one teacher who always gives me crap. Seriously i think its time u retire!! she's such a perfectionist. hate those ppl. n also judgemental. She made false statements about me, spreaded them to other ppl. So know people think of me according to her. And i hate tht. Lots of students hate her so im not alone. =) She always picks on me. Oh how i wish you were a student, i would been much happier now ;) (im evil, so think of wht imma do lol). I come backk frm skool, watch my fav tv show ever. F.R.I.E.N.D.S.!!! i love tht show.. Joey is awesome!! i need to buy the complete seasons!!! watching tht makes me feel better. Next, i take a nap. (hehe, tired la!!) wake up, kinda study a lil. then sneakily go online (my dad has rules of me using the comp. i can only use it on Sat for 2 hrs) i;m sorry but i cnt live under those circumtanses. most of my frnds r online, talking to them makes me feel better.
href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_7FGV64UrN7w/TB2pOP
And theres one person who i can always turn to when im down, i need him everyday n that is SHANE DAWSON!! i love him n his vids. their epic!! they put a smile on my face. n knowing tht i have something to brightened my day, its a nice feeling. then watch tv a lil, then its off to bed. well fake bed. hehe see my mum thinks im asleep but the truth is im wide awake, reading my books. (story books ah!!) then im off to my lala land =) so thats basically my day.
Its kinda lame but theres nothing to do in this town. After 4 years, its hitting me. There's no Subway, no T.G.I Fridays, No Victoria Station, going shopping? theres no use, cz the choices are super limited!! not good for a shoppaholic like me!! KL is the place for me. My bestest friend, my sister.. Vanessa!! is there. my frnds are there. n well theres alot more to do. School's there are to times better than here. not to say i dont like my friends here, but it would be nice to be friends with ppl who not only care bout studies all the time. n there only two ppl who are awesome here, tht is Harveena n Sirisa. their younger than me. lolx by a year so yea. My best friend in the skool well shes kinda like a geek. sometimes she a bitch. sorry to say it. so yea my life's boring cz of this stupid place.
about my last post, it got a lot of ppl worrying. I'm so sorry guys. I realized tht wht you guys were saying was right. n im happy. I got great frnds (in KL n all ovr the world.) n i love them very much. feel blessed to have them. i have Shane Dawson. haha. i have music. wait, i got side tracked frm wht i was saying. lol sorry. oh yea, great cousins, i know i can always count on you guys. Shout out to Jakeyy. tho we're not really talking as much as we used to, im really lucky i found you, your an amazing friend. and a other krazy person just like me!! hope things can get backk to to usual. cz it was amazing then. bestest friends forever!! lol evn tho u lyk it or not!! =p im kinda sad cz me n my nephew arent talking anymore.. i miss u la krazy guy!! imma hunt you down soon. thts rite your aunty is coming. be prepared. lol. dun worry not for revenge. =) just miss talkin to you.
My whole point of this post is to say tht, Life is full of challenges. It isnt called life if theres no challenges. These challenges come for a purpose. To see how strong we are. Not to bring us down. As we pass through one, it makes us stronger for the next. I've realized this. i've always been a person who never gives up. never lets anything get to me. i let just one small get to me, n i end up becoming a whole different person. But now im backk. And im staying this way. Love is a battlefield. filled with challenges. sometimes you dun surrender because you know once you win, the prize is amazing. But other times, you show a white flag of truce cause its not worth it. People who break your heart are just another stop on this highway we call LIFE. You can face anything, as long as u have people to help, stick by you no matter what. and believe in yourself. Soon another page of my life will be written. College. i cant wait. though i know there are plenty of challenges coming my way, i will face them. I will not be crushed. For i have an awesome army with me. leaded by God =) lol i knw suddenly im holy. not really. hehe.
this is going on for too long... so this is Stephyy saying bye!! love you all very much. Thank you again for helping me. for putting smiles on my face. <3<3 love n respect y'all!!
songs of thee week/month? lol
~ Owl City's album (Ocean Eyes) <------ awesomesaures!!
~Pitbull ft Akon ~ Shut it down (lyrics are awesome!!)
~ Paramore ~ Ignorance, The Only Expection (any Paramore songs actually =p)
~ B.o.B ft hayley william ~ Airplanes.
~Evermore ~ light surrounding you
~ Relient K ~ Who I Am Hates Who I've Been
~ Kings Of Leon ~ Use Somebody
~ David Archuleta'a album!!
~ Justin Bieber's albums!!
~ Ke$ha ~ Blah Blah Blah, Your love is my drug
~All American Rejects album (When the world comes down), ~ (Songs : Move Along, It Ends Tonight
~Tokio Hotel ~ Scream, World Behind My Wall
~The Fray ~ Never say never, you found me
~ Miley Cyrus ~ When i look at you
~rascal flats ~ God bless the broken road, What hurts the most (country but meaningful lyrics)
~Adam Lambert ~ Whataya want from me
~ Taio Cruz ~ Break Your heart
~Boys like girls ~ the great escape
~Black Eyed Peas ~ Imma Be, Rock That Body
~Usher ft Will.I.am~ OMG
~Gavin Rosdale ~ adrenaline
~red jumpsuit apparatus ~ Face do
~trey songz ~ say aah
~ Lostprophets ~ Rooftops. <----- the best song ever.
~Slipknot ~ Snuff.
haha damn lot of songs.. but enjoy. till next time.. love xoxoxo
<3 with all my heart!!
amazing song..
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