Alex Gaskarth Saved Me. Again.

You know how when you choose to study something you should be excited for it? Why do I feel like this course isn't going to bring me happiness? All these question are eating me up alive. My classes are all fun, my course mates are awesome but I still feel unhappy. Maybe it's just my head being messed up again. I really want to be doctor, I want to feel the exciment I felt when I studied biology. I also feel it creeping up on me. I'm fighting it as much as I can, however, I nearly broke yesterday. The tempt to see the scars was too strong. I don't know what triggered it. Loneliness? Home sick? Missing Risa and Veen? Whatever it is, it'S hitting me hard. Alex Gaskarth voice is catching me thank god. My friend too. I love them to bits. <3 There's also crushes coming along. Trust me, nothing's gonna happen. I'm no longer the girl that goes up to a guy and be like "Hey, you have a cute smile, wanna go grab a drink?" Honestly, I miss that part of me. That girl that was FUN. She's some where in me but I'm afraid to bring her out. She might kill me again. Self esteem issues are acting up. So, there's no way in hell, that any guy I have a crush on, will be mine. Oh just kill me.