Leaving

Graduation. One simple word. With so much meaning. Not literally though. To me, it means growing up. Change. My graduation wasn't like others, I didn't cry, I said my goodbyes, took one last look and walked away with a smile. I was happy to be free from school. From people who didn't get me. I was happy to be starting a new life. Then came results. I might have shed a tear or two but that was all. Finally, June arrived. I realized that I had a month to figure out, A month to figure out what I really want for the next chapters of my life. Medicine or Journalism? Just the thought of it scared me. It broke me. It's scary leaving behind everything you've known for the pass 18 years. At times, I just wish I could stay home. My mum is making me all teary by saying stuff like "oh, it's gonna be so quite without you". My dad started working overseas since I was 6. So, it's been just her and me together. She was the only person I have around. Yes, she's only gonna be a 3 hour drive away but it will feel different. It's also making me regret all the times I've been mean to her. I know they say that college is the place where you really discover yourself. But if I can't even leave everything behind, how do you expect me to find myself? Sometimes, I feel like picking journalism, I get to travel the world, doing something I really love. However, being a doctor is all I ever wanted since I was little. Besides, if I change my decision now, I'll have to answer to all the vultures waiting to prey on me. All they will be saying is that I can't handle the pressure and the crap and that their kids will certainly be the best doctors anyone has ever seen when in reality, their kids will most probably end up fainting at the sight of someone bleeding. I know I can handle the pressure of being a doctor. It's just that is hard working here. I would go overseas once I get my degree but if I do decide to come back, I have to restart the whole thing again unless I specialize I think. I know, for sure, someday the right decision will fall into my hands. Till then, I just have to stall. Till next time, xoxo